Final Exams & Misc.

Well, this is the last day of classes and I can not wait! We have finals next week. I am not freakin out though. Honestly I really dont care. I did my work during the semester and I just dont care. I hope I get a good grade. I know the material. But if I dont I dont. I think I might have insomnia. I was not anywhere near sleepy last night. I didnt go to sleep until probably about 3:30Am. Yeah, then I had to wake up @ 6:00 to get H to work and come to class. This Saturday we are going to the mall and to a salvage store. Just to get out of the house and do something. We probably wont buy anything but its nice just to get out and walk around places. I still keep torturing myself with baby stuff. Although I kinda try to keep it to myself now. I know that H gets tired of me takling about something I cant have right now. But I get tired of hearing him talk about a truck all the damn time. We can be talking about a show on T.V. The conversation ALWAYS ends with us talking about a truck. I understand that he wants one but damn why cant he be thankful for what we do have. A running car that gets us from point A to point B! Soon after we move and get jobs he will have his damn truck. But will I have my baby? NO. It will probably take about a year before we can even start trying. I have to find a good job with benefits because I can't be on his insurance. It will cost too much. UGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Then ofcourse theres no guarantee that it will happen right off the bat. So lets add this up here. about a year before we can start trying after we move. thats January 2009, then 3 or 4 months before we actually get pg, thats April or May 2009, then 9 months of pregnanct thats January or Febuary of 2010! Gosh DAMMIT! Where as he will have his got damn truck within a month or two after we move! He aint gettin any younger ya know. The more this goes on, the more I think he doesnt want anymore kids. I mean after 3 wives and 6 kids would you? I love my step kids I do, but I just feel like if he hadnt had any kids before ours (if we do) then they wont get all of their fathers love because they will have to share him with 6 other half-brothers and sisters. I dont even get all of him. Because no matter how much he denies it. He's always going to have his ex-wives in his heart. He loved them at one time.....enough to marry them. So that is always going to be with him. I loved before yeah, but not enough to marry them. This will be the only marriage I have. I swear to it. If this one goes south, so be it but I am not getting married again. But yeah, I guess I better get off of here and go to class. I only get the chance to write on here when I am at school or at home by myself (which isnt very often). So IDK when the next time I will write but I will.