And the last time!

This is the last time for a long time. I finished the clomid on sunday. So there we go. In a week or so we become rabbits, lol. Then I take another more pg tests and find out. Hopefully it happens, although I still haven't stopped bleeding completely from the progesterone I took. So yeah, I can't wait to take test and it finally be a real positive.

Not The Safest Route

Not the safest route to take these meds, lol. Without doctor supervision, but he didnt really observe me the first time I took them so I guess its pretty much the same. I was thinking a while back, my insurance is gone and so Im not having the weight loss surgery for a while, why not go a head and use the rest of my pregesterone and clomid? Im just tired of not having a child of my own. Since I have been diagnosed, I have seen my step children have kids, and get pregnant. Why the hell can't I? Im starting to get depressed again. I don't like it. So anyway this is my last chance until I graduate and get some good insurance again. Yesterday was the first day of the clomid so wish me luck!

Ups and Downs

Seems that my life is full of severe ups and downs. So since starting nursing school I have had to quit my job that I loved so much because they wouldnt work with my schedule for school. I wasnt gonna give up my schooling for a job. We are in so much debt right now our bills are at least a month behind if not more. We are arguing because with as rigid and difficult as this nursing program is there's no way I can work and pass. Even though Im trying to find a job to only work a few hours a week for a little bit of extra money. So because I lost my job along with all my benefits. Bye bye lap band surgery! Ugh! Dammit, it seems like im never gonna catch a break! But anyway I have more homework to do I just thought it was about time I update. Well till next time.

Wowness

Okay I just so made up that word. I had a lot of things happen today. I had been toying with the idea of L@p B@nd for a while now. I finally called a surgeon to get the whole process going. I gave them all my info and my insurance and everything. They will call back on Tuesday to let me know what my insurance requires before hand. My insurance is great because all I will have to pay out of pocket is $100-300, as far as I know. Which is freakin great. The only down side is that I have to travel about 4 hours away to have the surgery done. I guess I better start saving some more money huh? I also had a orthodontic consultation today. I need braces. Ha big surprise. It doesn't bother me though. I'm not upset about it. As long as it helps my teeth and it good for me then I want them. Anyhoo, I got my transcript in the mail from my high school. I need my college transcript now. Then all I need for my appilcation is to finish my classes and get the background check done.

On another subject, H and I have been having some problems with him having a problem with me studying all the time. I told him before I started back to school that I was gonna be studying a lot. I guess he didn't believe me or something because we argue a lot now. I go to school at 9 and get out at 1200. I usually study from the time I get out until 3. I come home, I get on the computer and study for my online class. I then get supper ready and then I study some more. I hardly ever study with anyone else when H is home. I watch a little bit of T.V. and then study some more then go to bed. On the days I work I study as much as I can at work. My friend T is the biggest drama queen you will ever meet. I have class with him and he is single with no commitments and wants to study 24/7. I just can't do that. I do study a lot though. I am making a good grade in my classes too. So I think I am doing good. But I just wish H wouldn't be so "old fashion" I guess is what I can use? I don't know. He just gets so frustrated and upset sometimes over nothing and I don't know what to tell him. If I tell him the truth he gets mad, if I tell him a lie he gets mad when he finds out I lied.

We have to put off the clomid until a year after I have the surgery. That sucks, but I guess its better in the long run for me and the baby. I just wish I didn't have to wait so long. That means that I will be 22 or 23 before I have a baby. Wow that seems like so far away.

Anyway I guess I 'm done relieving myself of all this information now.

Well when it rains it f***in pours

Okay so not ony did I found out that my round of clomid didn't work, I also found out that one of my co-workers is pregnant. Yay! NOT! That is all she is talking about too. I can't even stand to look at her. It was her little "accident"! I am so pissed that I cried! I cried at work and I cried when I got home and told H about it. I am okay now but it still hurts. I didn't like her in the beginning because she is completely incompetent and is not a good nurse and is the most annoying person I think I have ever met. I was being nice to her and I still should be but it is so hard not to have hard feelings toward her. Its like she just keeps rubbing in my face. I have no clue how far along she is but I really don't care. I am just ranting and raving. I will get over it I guess, eventually. I just don't know how to feel about it. But anyway I will stop and get back to work now. Till I post again!

Damn those OPK's

I called again this morning, the nurse was gone for the day already at 10:30. So i left a message and the doctor called me back. Of course I missed it so he left a message. Apparently the damn OPK's were wrong. I didn't ovulate. So we all know what that means. Im not pregnant. So all of the money I spent on HPT's these last two weeks was a waste. I'm really sad and disappointed. So I guess that just means another round, he wants to go up to 100 mg of Clomid. I guess I'm gonna say okay. So now I have to come up with the money to get those, he's gonna call them in. I have to call him back to confirm but yeah. So another month another round. I think i'm gonna go cry now.

Damn It

Okay so my test results are back. Do I know the results? Why hell no! I called this morning aroun 11:30 am. The nurse (I love my doctor but his nurse could use some compasion) told me that the doctor was looking over the results deciding what to do and then she would call me back. Well as you can tell, it is now 3:15 and still no phone call. I am really gettin anxious. I am trying so hard to save that last test. Its a CBE digital. I really want to test. I actually feel the same today that I did yesterday. A little more tired and nauseous. I have a few food aversions, cheetos. I can't even stand to type the name. It makes me want to gag. The smell and even the look of them. If they don't call me before 4:30. Im gonna call them back again. I am trying to be patient, but my nurse I guess just doesn't understand what those results can do to my life. They can change it completely!!!!! I am driving myself crazy. I can't concentrate on my work or my homework. Damn it!